The Anti-Dad

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Note: Not the kind of dad Doug is

It’s Father’s Day, and that made me start thinking about Dads, and how I am similar and different from my two main Dad examples: My blood father, F.J. (“Joe”) Moran, and my father-in-law–who has all but adopted me, and who I love dearly–Carl Webb. And honestly, compared to them, I’m almost the Anti-Dad.

I grew up in a time when the whole Ward Cleaver, “Leave It To Beaver”, 50s suburban Dad-who-works-at-the-office and Mom-stays-home-wth-kids thing was still in firm control of national life. And indeed, my family was a lot like that until I hit about 13 or so. And in that context, Dad works at the office, he does chores around the home on the weekend, he plays golf with some buddies, he watches football, he carves the turkey at Thanksgiving. He fixes stuff when it breaks, like the car or the kitchen sink or that balky door to the upstairs bathroom. He mows the lawn. He paints the house. Etc. He is Dad, the 50s American Platonic Ideal of Dad.

I’m not like that guy at all.

I can’t fix dick; I’m a computer nerd, and despite my Pops’ best efforts, fixing anything more complicated than, say, a doorknob is really beyond me. Kitchen sink? Call the plumber. Car is busted? Off to the dealer!

But even more so, I’m not that guy. I don’t play golf. I mean, I learned, I know how, but ever since my Pops died in 2000, I haven’t played a single hole. I don’t get it, honestly. There’s so many other sports I’d rather do (if my body could take it), like soccer or ultimate or disc golf (which is like regular golf only in that involves walking around outdoors). I don’t get the fascination with the equipment, the shoes, the shirts, the clubs, the gizmos. I can’t imagine a more boring game to watch on TV; hell, curling is more exciting. I don’t get golf. In that component of Dad-dom, I’m a flop.

Then again, I don’t go into the office. I quit my job–not a leave absence, an actual resignation–so I could stay home and take care of Joseph for the first year after we adopted him. (Sami made more money than me at the time. In fact, in yet another nod to anti-Dad-dom, Sami has usually made more money than me.) I work from home. When the kids need to go to the dentist or the doctor or the therapist or their drama club or whatever, I usually am the one doing the lugging. I do the laundry. I grocery shop. When the house needs painting, I call a house painter.

And I refuse to mow the lawn. What is it with guys and riding mowers, anyway?

During our parenting, plenty of people have looked askance at how Sami and I have arranged things, divided up the work, the decisions we’ve made that are partly the reason I’m the anti-Dad. And yet somehow all the teachers at school tell us what a good job we’re doing, what great kids we have, what a delight they are. And even now at 18, Maggie doesn’t hate us and Joe is no more than usually surly for a 15 year old.

I may be the anti-Dad by “Leave It To Beaver” standards, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Just a thought from one Dad on Father’s Day.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll call my one remaining Pop and tell him I love him; he deserves it.

Novel Chapter 3 Now Available

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A banana slug in a tea-cozy? Heck if I know!

Despite the roaring lack of encouragement, I continue to plod on, publishing a chapter of my novel every other day or so.  The latest chapter is available at WattPad; please surf on over and check it out.  And if you happen to read it, hey, it would be wonderful if you left comments there on WattPad, or here, or just IM’d me and told me what a talentless idiot I am and how I should give it up.  

And maybe if my friend Becky sees the above photo, she’ll tell us–from deep in her bag of knitting knowledge–what the heck it is.

On Accumulating Writing Advice

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Image courtesy of (logically enough) LeadingSmart.com’s Advice for Writers

I never planned on being a writer.  I actually never really knew what the heck I wanted to do, other than I wanted it to be something sciecey (which when I was a kid was a vague notion of someone who wore a white coat and worked in a lab).  I didn’t realize  pretty deep into my tech writing career that I was a writer until I had been doing it for so long that it was impossible to ignore.

But even though my career notions were always incredibly diffuse, without really realizing it while it was happening, I started to accumulate writing advice really early on.  Like, perhaps as early as Elementary School.  Let me explain:

I read a ton as a kid.  Neither of my parents can remember when I started to read, but both agree that I was trying to sound out words in Life and Look magazine when I was still in pre-school.  It wasn’t too deep into school before I began branching out, especially into collections of short stories.  And for whatever reason, I found the notes by the authors and editors that came with those stories almost as interesting as the stories themselves.  Where their ideas came from (“Everywhere”, basically); who had taught them when they were learning to write; what kind of things to do if you think you might have a vocation for it.

So I started picking up suggestions early.  I’m not going to burden you with all of them–I’ve been storing them up in my head for years.  But one of the first and most key pieces of advice–and it’s very much a cliche, but an important one–was hammered home to me via David Gerrold in his book on how he managed to get his first story sold professionally:  The script of “The Trouble with Tribbles” to Star Trek.  And Gerrold’s advice, echoed by many, many, many other writers, was, “Read a lot.”

It sounds silly and obvious, but the more you read, and the more different types of things you read, the more you accumulate a store of material, vocabulary, and information to draw on.  When you’re cranking along the last thing you want to do is sit there and grope for a word or concept; you want it to come out BANG so you can keep on cranking.  If it turns out to be cliched or trite, hey, rework it later.  But like playing scales and arpeggios for a pianist, a writer must read.  Stephen King used the analogy of his Uncle’s tool box, a huge monstrous thing that apparently contained every hand tool known to man, and that King was forced to lug around whenever  Uncle needed to do some work on something.  If your tool box isn’t full of your writerly tools, you’re going to end up having to hammer something with a rock, or use a spoon as a screwdriver, and that never works well.

In High School I was incredibly blessed with a teacher with whom I both connected, and who respected my nascent ability, Mr. Michael Rodriguez.  I don’t know how he was for other students, but for me, he was absolutely crucial (and I made sure to call him when I got hired for my first professional tech writing position and thanked him–we don’t thank our teachers enough, I think).  Mr. Rod had a number of pieces of advice, but the two that stuck with me the most were:  “Don’t use lame words like ‘nice’.”  When asked for substitutes, Mr. Rod peppered the student (not me) who asked:  “How was it ‘nice’?  In what way was it ‘nice’?  What made it ‘nice’ for you?”  And when the student stammered out an answer several sentences long, Mr. Rod said, “Then say that!  Don’t say ‘nice’!  It’s meaningless!”

(This follows well on the previous piece of advice, for if you have a good store of word tools in your box, you don’t have to settle for something limp like ‘nice’.)

A second key piece of advice came my way from Mr. Rod as well who, though he clearly liked me and liked what I wrote, didn’t hesitate to call me on my BS and sloppy writing.  I have a fondness for long sentences.  Like King’s Howard Lauterman in “The Stand”, the compound-complex sentence was invented with me in mind.  I digress, use parenthetical statements, am liberal with hyphenated clauses, and in many other ways abuse the poor reader’s patience.  When Mr. Rod pointed out what I am sure was a particularly egregious example of long-winded nonsense, I protested that Faulkner wrote run-on sentences; why couldn’t I?

“Mr. Moran”, he said, not brutally but certainly with no particular kindness, “You are not Faulkner.”  He might have gone on to say something about the inadvisability of high school students comparing themselves with Nobel Prize winners, but his point had been made and, truly, needed no elaboration.  (It is important to extend this to almost any famous writer; I am also not Hemmingway, Stephenson, Steinbeck, Roger Angell, Joe Haldeman, Heinlein, Asimov, A.C. Clarke, Neil Gaiman, Mailer, Woody Allen, Jean Kerr, or anyone else who has no-doubt influenced my style.  I’m Doug Moran; best to stick with that.)

Speaking of King, as part of a rave review of “Order of the Phoenix” (which is my personal favorite Harry Potter book), he made a great observation about  J.K. Rowling’s writing (probably the only person in the world  who could get away with it).  I would not call Rowling a “great” writer, but she’s certainly an excellent storyteller with a stellar imagination.  But King had a good point about what he saw as flaw in her writing:

<blockquote>As a writer, however, she is often careless (characters never just put on their clothes; they always “get dressed at top speed”) and oddly, almost sweetly, insecure.  The part of speech that indicates insecurity (“Did you really hear me? Did you really understand?”) is the adverb, and Ms. Rowling seems to have never met one she didn’t like, especially when it comes to dialogue attribution.  Harry’s godfather, Sirius, speaks “exasperatedly”; Mrs. Weasley (mother of Harry’s best friend, Ron) speaks “sharply”; Tonks (a clumsy witch with pinked-up, particolored hair) speaks “earnestly.”  As for Harry himself, he speaks quietly, automatically, nervously, slowly, quietly, and–often, given his current case of raving adolescence–ANGRILY.<blockquote>

Mr. King’s point is clear, and it applies just as strongly to the poor, struggling Mr. Moran (if not more so) than to the rich, famous, and lauded Ms. Rowling:  Don’t over-rely on adverbs.  There’s other ways to get there.

A very related piece of advice came my way via Elmore Leonard in an interview with Terry Gross on “Fresh Air”.  I don’t remember exactly what Leonard said, but one thing Gross made a point of asking about was the fact that Leonard never used synonyms for dialog attribution.  I.e., he didn’t go looking for other ways to say, “He said” or “she said.”  It was always “said”, and that was it; not “stated” or “gasped” or “rasped” or “shouted” or “bellowed” or “whispered” or anything else.  Just “said”, and that’s it.  Leonard’s point was that you’re wasting time and energy trying to find synonyms for “said”; “said” is a perfectly fine, solid word, and if you’ve written the rest of it properly, the reader will know whether the character is whispering or gasping or what-have-you.  Further, it gives the reader license to decide for themselves; maybe you were thinking “bellow” but the reader read it as “snarked”, and that’s actually kind of cool, don’t you think, Terry?  No need to make it blatant.  Stick to “said”, and concentrate on making sure the rest of the stuff around it is clear and understandable.

(Applying these two pieces of advice together can sometimes be a strain.  Try writing a stretch of dialog without adverbs or synonyms for “said”.  It’s harder than you might think!  But worth it, I believe.)

And finally a piece of advice that I absorbed by converse example (as it were) from my section’s Merrill Core Course teacher (“Social Change in the Third World”), Mr. Julianna Burton, a professor of liberal arts (I honestly can’t remember the discipline) at UC Santa Cruz.  I detested the course and thought it was a waste of time, a fact that shone through crystal clear in my papers for the class, I am certain.  And as teachers often do, she had her revenge in my grades.  At the time, Santa Cruz was entirely on the “narrative evaluation” standard, which meant that every instructor was supposed to give you a written evaluation rather than a letter grade.  Which is where she tossed in her opinions.  My work was fine and my papers of good quality, but my “voice” was apparently too consistent for her, and I didn’t vary it enough to suit the material.  This in spite of the fact that on the three occasions when she asked the class to vary their narrative voice–“write as if you were the narrator of this story”; “write from the point of view of an African American”; etc–I did so and still received a solid “evaluation” on my papers.

So the gist, then, was that I had too distinctive a voice and couldn’t vary it, except when I was asked, and then I could, but that wasn’t good enough.  Or something.

And the piece of advice:  A strong narrative voice is a good thing.  How many people fault Elmore Leonard for writing too much like Elmore Leonard?  This isn’t to say you shouldn’t experiment, try other voices, stretch yourself.  But saying you have too strong a narrative voice is like saying a guitarist has too distinctive a style.  You may not like my style–plenty don’t; I’m obnoxiously committed to the Oxford comma, and I use the British method of punctuation with quotations–but hell’s bells, at least I have one!

I know I’ve rambled on a bit here, and I apologize.  These are just a few of my key writing guidelines.  I have plenty more (e.g., “pithier is often better”; “try to not use the same descriptive word in a single paragraph”; “a good editor is worth her weight in gold”), of course, but honestly, not too many.  For here is one from me to anyone out there who gives a rip about my writing advice:  Don’t have too many rules.  I follow some guidelines, but I limit them.  Because if I had too many, I would never get any writing done, and that would be just as bad as cranking out crap all the time due to no guidelines at all.  So that’s one of mine for you to have.

So I’ve showed you mine; what are yours?

Chapter 2 Now Available

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Two slugs; second chapter; get it?

For those of you who are interested–don’t all speak up at once!–Chapter 2 of my mystery novel “A Study with Slugs” (until such a time as someone suggests a better title) is now available for your reading pleasure and/or derision on Wattpad; please surf on over and give it a read.  And leave comments, or I’m never going to improve as a writer, dammit!

Novel is a’Comin’

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banana slug Ariolimax columbianus 26

I misdoubt that there is a crowd of thousands out there, waiting for me to make my mystery novel, written last November and now fully edited, available to the world.  Heck, I doubt it’s even dozens of people.  There are some good friends who have told me that they won’t read it, in fact.  (“I don’t really like mysteries,” one told me, e.g.)

Be that as it may:  It is coming soon.  I am waiting on my illustrator to generate some cover art for me, and I want to present you all–my teeny, tiny readership–with as polished a product as possible.  I will be making it available in both ePub and Mobi format, so you can read it on most any device out there.

But while you wait, in the unlikely even that you want to get a look at it sooner, I have started posting the book, one chapter at a time, on Wattpad.  I don’t know at what rate I will post chapters; once every day or two is my guess.  But if you want to take a look, please feel free to surf on over and read it there.  I will follow up with updated pointers here, too.  Just cuz I’m narcissistic.

I Mostly Stopped Following the News

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This is Rachel Maddow; I love her; I also don’t watch her show any more

Several years ago, when she was battling clinical depression, my partner Sami stopped following the news.

She couldn’t deal with it.  When you’re struggling to get out of bed every day, along with dealing with the fact that your partner is 1700 miles away due to his job, and you have to take care of your two special needs kids all on your lonesome, following the “if it bleeds it leads” news was just too much.

I understood her perspective, but felt that one of us needed to keep up.  I used to watch “Countdown” (when it was still on) and “The Rachel Maddow Show” as podcasts, and those along with Jon Stewart, my Twitter feed, and the other stuff that I read online kept me abreast of what’s happening.

But you know what?  Over time, it was honestly just too much.  We’re still in Afghanistan.  Obama is still violating people’s civil rights.  Warrantless wiretapping is still happening.  Gitmo is still open.  The Congress and the “Very Serious People” in Washington still seem to be determined to give rich folks more money and take it from the rest of us, cutting medicate, medicaid, social security, food stamps, and anything else that they can think of (so long as it doesn’t effect them).  Hurricanes, tornadoes, whackos going on shooting sprees; it just never stops, does it?

So I stopped following the news.

I still click on the occasional article link in my Twitter feed–which I have severely edited to not include a ton of “news” tweets.  I still surf on over to Salon.com every once in a while.  But for the most part, no more.  I stopped listening to the Rachel Maddow podcasts and now listen to “The Bugle” and “Geek’s Guide to the Galaxy” and “Star Talk Radio” (with Neil DeGrasse Tyson) instead.  I listen to a lot of audio books–right now I’m giving the first book in the Jack Aubrey/Stephen Maturin series a try.  I just finished “A Canticle for Leibowitz” and “Cryptomonicon”.  Next I might try “Lonesome Dove”.  I dunno, but it’s a whole lot more soothing than listening to yet another Rachel Maddow show where she talks about how we’re still at war in Afghanistan and how Republicans are still blocking any and every bill in the Senate and how Republicans in the House are voting again against Obamacare and how a series of tornadoes just destroyed half of Oklahoma.  Or whatever.

Maybe I’m a wimp.  I dunno.  All I know is that I’m lot less tense lately.  And somehow I still seem to function in the larger society without all that News o’ the World weighing me down.

Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to get back to blocking my next story.

Obligatory Welcome Post

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Yup, that be me

Hi there; I’m Doug, and this be my blog.

I’ve had blogs before.  You can see my first stab at blogging starting in 2007 at blogspot.com.  After that, I gave Open Salon a try for a while, and posted there pretty regularly (particularly while I was working at Juniper and, thus, in Mt. View a lot and so away from my family and with a bit more free time).  Most recently I have been belaboring people with my opinions on Facebook.

And all of those were fine.  And I plan to use this blog space for boring you with my  opinions in the future.  But that’s not why I grabbed this .com domain.  My plan is to create a place where I can make my fiction available–available for comment and for download.

Whether or not I can, at some point in the future, find a way to make money with my fiction I have no idea.  But in the meantime I am writing, and wanting to share (or inflict, depending on your point of view) my stuff.  This offers me a means of doing so.  Look for my first novel to be posted hopefully soon (in DRM-free ePub format).  Other stories hopefully to follow.

So welcome, and I hope you enjoy.

Where’s Doug?

I haven’t posted for quite a while, as you two or three people who read this blog might have noticed. This is not because I have stopped posting, or even stopped having opinions (that’ll be the day); rather it is because I am currently blogging at an experimental site that is a sub-site of Salon: Open Salon. I’m doing this because I’m an arrogant dweeb, and think that posts there will get a wider distribution than here.

I would direct the three (or however many) of you to head on over there. The site is currently in Beta and is thus (ironically) not “open,” but you can sign up easily if you want, and it shortly will be open.

In the meantime, I’ll be posting there rather than here. Just so’s you know.

Perception vs. Reality

Alex Koppleman of Salon has a video up about the recent flap over Hillary Clinton’s “woman’s baby died because of evil heathcare industry” anecdote. Koppleman makes a good point that it is surprising that people on the Left would trust the word of a hospital CEO more than they would trust Clinton, a member of the same left. And he is very even-handed in this; I have no truck with Koppleman’s basic premise.

My point is, if so many folks on the left now doubt Clinton’s veracity as their default position, how on Earth is she going to convince swing voters in the general election? How can she continue to try to make the electability argument when her word is doubted by her own supporters?

I’ve said again and again that I think Clinton is unelectable in the general. If this doesn’t prove it, what the heck will?