My vocation is to help people understand things. This is different from “explaining things”; when you “explain”, the person to whom you are explaining is passive. Helping people understand things is collaborative; I want to engage with the audience, not just lecture them. I don’t want them to be a passive receiver of verbiage. I want to provide the steps on which they climb to a higher level of comprehension. In my particular case, this is through technical writing, but I do try hard to apply this in all aspects where it’s needed. Explaining things to my autistic child, for example.

So words are my stock in trade. I operate in words in a way similar to how a sculptor might work in marble, or a painter in, well, paint. I craft words into information, and try to make it engaging and helpful. It’s how I earn my daily bread.

As you might expect from someone who has been crafting information in this way for a few decades, I have some strong opinions on words and phrases in regular use. Some delight me; some drive me nuts. And I wanted to share that a bit.

Almost everyone has some word or turn of phrase that drives them nutty. Online in social media lately you can see people mixing up “your” and “you’re” all the time, and you can see it driving lots of other people absolutely nutty. (Hint: I am your friend because you’re a good person. Extrapolate.)

I first got a hint of this in my high school English class, where my favorite teacher Mr. Rodriquez—one of two English teachers who encouraged my writing ability, and to both of whom I owe a huge debt—was driven crazy when a student used the word, “nice”. “‘Nice’ how?!” he would bellow. “In what way is it ‘nice’? What makes it ‘nice’? Then use those words! ‘Nice’ is useless!” I don’t necessarily agree, but it definitely doesn’t speak well of a word when it’s lexicography is:

late 13c., “foolish, ignorant, frivolous, senseless,” from Old French nice (12c.) “careless, clumsy; weak; poor, needy; simple, stupid, silly, foolish,” from Latin nescius “ignorant, unaware,” literally “not-knowing,” from ne- “not” (from PIE root *ne- “not”) + stem of scire “to know” (see science).

OED

Not very “nice” at all, is it? It drove poor Mr. Rod batty when we used it. (So of course some wags did it deliberately. Fortunately, he had a sense of humor.)

For my dad, it was “irregardless”. “It’s not a word!” he would say. “Why not just say ‘regardless’?” And I had to admit I had a point.

These and similar types of lessons encouraged me to not only be careful in which words I chose, but to make sure I didn’t choose one because it sounded “fancier” (“Irregardless!”) in the hopes it made me look clever. Don’t use “jejune” instead of “boring”, for example. Sure, sprinkle those kinds of word in your fiction to give it flavor, but just like you want a little cayenne in your gumbo, too much of that kind of thing makes it unpalatable.

As a bit of a contrast, author Dan Simmons is driven insane by the current use of “decimate” as equivalent to “utterly destroyed”. As Simmons points out, “decimate” comes from the Latin, meaning “to destroy one part in ten” (“deci” is from the Latin for “ten”). I understand his frustration. But despite many writers and grammarians desire to the contrary, English is a living language, words evolve, and sometimes they take on new meanings that don’t necessarily jibe well with their lexicographical origins. Almost everyone uses “decimate” as an equivalent for “utterly destroy” these days; Simmons’ efforts to the contrary, I think that ship has sailed. (Though personally, I use synonyms like “annihilate” or some such.)

What about me? Well, my “word irritation” comes from both a lack of precision in how these words are used, and the fact they in one case, it’s just wrong.

The first bone of contention is the sloppy way so many people use the words “couple” and “few”, often as if they’re synonyms. They’re not! “Couple” means “two”. That’s it; two. No more, no less. And yet some people mean it as if it’s equivalent to “a handful” or “a bunch” or “a few”. It makes me insane. No. It’s two. “A few” is “more than a couple.” Personally, I only use “a few” when it’s between three and ten, but I don’t expect everyone else to adhere to my OCD-enabled needs. (After “a few” comes “a bunch”, followed by “a lot”. But again, that’s me.)

A small digression: I apply similar precision to “probably” and “maybe”. “Maybe” means 50/50; “probably” for me is “a greater than 50% chance”. I know some people use them interchangeably; I don’t.

The other thing that’s been driving me batty on social media lately is when people want to make an exclamation of cuteness. That word, kids, is “Aw.” That’s what you saw when you see a cute cat video, or a baby smiles at you. NOT “awe”, which is “a feeling of reverential respect mixed with fear or wonder.” They’re not the same, and you need to stop using them as if they were!

Words have meanings, kids. And while yes, those meanings do evolve (much though it may frustrate Dan Simmons), if you want to communicate, if you want to help people understand what you’re saying, it’s important to use the right words. So think before you speak.

So tell me: What words or phrases drive you crazy? (And tell me if you want a similar rant on grammar, which I will entitle “Why We Shouldn’t Give a Damn About Split Infinitives, and Other Grammar Rules Doug Ignores”.)